A lesson in coping with change and loss - or how I learned to re-love S/mileage in 48 hours

If you know me at all, you will know that Sakichii is my S/mileage oshimen, and has been for over a year now. At first, Kanyon was, but something happened to my interest in her when she cut her hair off after "Otona ni Narutte Muzukashii!!!" - this may seem odd to many people, but for me, the visual appearance of an Idol is a large part of their appeal. In an Idol, I appreciate cuteness, and prettiness, and if that is missing, then it will affect my interest in someone - but anyway, I have followed her ever since I sent my photograph into the 10000 smile challenge, and this interested continued - and grew - with my visit to Japan last October/November, when I followed their Angel Smile Devil Smile tour, attending 5 shows, and where I finally got to meet her, at a handshake event at the Pony Canyon building, then again, at the group handshake, at Books Fukuya.
I loved this girl, she was funny, cute, and by far the best singer in the group. The world was going to be her oyster, eventually, and better than that, Chisato likes her! If she's good enough for Chisato, then she's good enough for me!
Little did I know, things were afoot that were to royally screw things up for me, for a while;

I had just finished a day at work, and was preparing to do my part in TKMR's podcast 'Konya mo TKMR', when somebody posted a link in the Hyakupa IRC channel, showing a screenshot from Oha Star, with a teaser for the replacement for Sakichii.
I'd known - or thought I had - for a while, that the tenure of the Oha Girls is a short one, and that they come and go, like so many Kids TV presenters, so this was something I had been expecting for a while, so thought nothing of it.



In a way, I was happy, as she could now focus more time on S/mileage, which for me, is a much more important thing for her to be doing, especially since with the coming of the 2nd gen girls, which to me, was a bad idea - little did I know the reasoning behind the whole thing.
It was about 10 minutes later, that turbos86 (I think it was), posted a link to the S/mileage official website, which as far as I knew, was advertising some event, but then posted a sentence that was to change the entire atmosphere of the evening, and more importantly to me, my fandom.
He said "Sakichii is quitting H!P" (or words to that effect)
Suffice to say, that one sentence, so simple in form, had the same effect on me, as a mallet does on a cracked glass.
I say a cracked glass, as this metaphor describes my (at that point), feelings about S/mileage - and this is why;
The announcement of the auditions for the second gen, had much the same affect on me, as it had on S/mileage themselves, mixing sadness, disbelief, and confusion (I remember seeing shaking heads, tears, and looks of surprise on the girls when this was announced). Why a second gen? Things had been going so well. OK, the last 2 singles hadn't been great sellers, but then again, they were hardly great singles, but you can't lay the blame for that at the feet of the girls, surely that's the writers problems?
The shock of the auditions, had given way to excitement by the final round - I'd seen who had got through, and knew for certain, that Miyamoto Karin MUST have got in. She was the most professional, the best singer, the best dancer, and by FAR the cutest person in the auditions, so she HAD to win.
S/mileage was about to get BETTER! This was going to be AWESOME!
Then the announcements of the winners came around. Of all the people in the auditions, they picked the worst of the bunch - except for Meimi, who I had hoped would get in as a trainee. This was what cracked the glass of my S/mileage fandom.
So for my favourite member, to be suddenly leaving, and not just 'graduating at the end of the next tour', but just quitting, in 3 days - well, the glass was shattered.
That was it, there was nothing for me now, how could she just go? What am I going to do?
All these thoughts went through my head, and the next hour or so, was one of numbness. I had suddenly lost my S/mileage fandom - all that was left were memories of 'the good old days'.
Should I now start following Tokyo Girls Style more? After all, they are also of the same age, and in a way, rivals to S/mileage, plus I really like them, so it's the logical step.
After an hour or two, the TKMR guys and I started our podcast, and so I got to hear everyone elses viewpoints, and what with Saki's thread on H!O suddenly coming alive at the news - I got to hear many different angles over the next day or so.
At this point, I'd like to point something out. I know it means nothing in truth, but recently, someone posted that they were sad that Saki's thread kept dieing, and that they 'wished it would see more activity' - all i can say there is - BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!
And so, over the next 24 hours, I tried to come to terms with losing a big part of my life. I had read Saki's own blog posts about why she was going, I'd read Tsunku's post, and so the big picture seemed to be coming to light.
It appears that (if what they said was true) the second gen auditions came about as a direct effect of Saki wanting to leave.
According to alot of people, Saki wasn't that popular, compared to the others. I didn't see it myself, but then again, I did look at her through rose tinted glasses, so maybe I was unable to see it?

So, Saki - for whatever reason - decides that she has had enough of the Idol life, and so discusses it with management, who then decide that S/mileage isn't 3some material, so they need new members. Cue the auditions, and the management chose the girls they did.
I'm sure they had a reason to keep Karin out - I'm hoping it's because they see her potential can be increased in a different group, in the future.
After about 40 hours (or just before work today), I began to think along different lines. I still loved the old S/mileage songs, and didn't want to feel sadness at Saki's decisions. I follow her, I should respect what she wants, not be angry at some selfish desire to see her just once more, and if she does want out, I should be happy for her. she gets a real life back again. Good on her!
Then the final piece of my mental jigsaw fell into place, and it was this;
My favourite group is C-ute.
They were once 7 members.
Then, a 'second gen' member was brought in, called Arihara Kanna.
If I had been following C-ute since their origins, instead of becoming a fan at around the same time as they were releasing their 4th album, then I may have had some bad thoughts about this at the time.
THEN - Murakami Megumi (oddly, the best singer) quits/is kicked out. WHATEVER!!! She goes.
This is a similar circumstance to Saki's; She did one album before leaving, she was the best singer, she 'wanted to lead a normal life again'
So, I should look at C-ute for my answers. They got better and better (then a little worse, then better again), without Megumi - and their 2nd gen member became one of my favourites in the group, so why was I moping about, as if the world had ended, I'd grown a fringe over one eye, and stapled my hand to my forehead?
After all, I'm not an Emo, I'm a WOTA! I enjoy happiness, and that hapiness revolves around the music of my favourite groups, and the members of those groups!
I may have lost Saki, but I haven't lost Kanyon - or Yuukarin or Ayacho! So STOP MOPING, AND LOVE S/MILEAGE!
Ahh... now I DO have a dichotomy... do I start following Kanyon again, or do I increase my interest in Ayacho (who I really do like), or do I get more interest in Meimi?
Now my positivity is back, I'm all excited about the future of S/mileage. Yes, my S/mile has returned! I will miss you Sakichii, but you will always have a home in my heart.